


devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, and if i bleed, you'll be the last to know

by butmomilovemyboys



Series: sam & dean & demon powers [4]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Boy King of Hell Sam Winchester, Drug Addict Sam Winchester, F/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Sam Winchester Has Powers, Sam Winchester on Demon Blood, Sam Winchester's Demonic Powers, Season/Series 04, Unhealthy Relationships, the drug being demon blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:15:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,359
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27981381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/butmomilovemyboys/pseuds/butmomilovemyboys
Summary: “Do youloveme?” This time, it’s more aggressive, like she wants a certain answer and she’s afraid of the one she’s gonna get. “C’mon, Sammy, tell me.”“Don’t call me that,” Sam responds bitterly. “Don’t call me Sammy.”She smirks. “Whatever. Just answer the question.”“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “Doyou?”
Relationships: Ruby/Sam Winchester
Series: sam & dean & demon powers [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1822591
Comments: 1
Kudos: 31





	devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes, and if i bleed, you'll be the last to know

**Author's Note:**

> this is the third fic in a row i've used a taylor swift lyric for a title but they all WORK so i'm keeping it. i just want to make it clear that while i'm throughly invested in sam and ruby's relationship, i am not a shipper. i am simply a fan of their dynamic and i strongly believe ruby actually loved sam while sam just saw her as a means to an end. with that all said, enjoy!

“Do you love me?”

Her eyes are wide but they aren’t looking at anything but the floor. 

Sam doesn’t answer her. Her blood tastes sweet and cold and he’s lost in it. He hears her, but her words don’t register right away. She pulls her arm back, much to Sam’s dismay. 

“Hey--”

“Do you  _ love _ me?” This time, it’s more aggressive, like she wants a certain answer and she’s afraid of the one she’s gonna get. “C’mon, Sammy, tell me.”

“Don’t call me that,” Sam responds bitterly. “Don’t call me Sammy.”

She smirks. “Whatever. Just answer the question.”

“I don’t know,” he says honestly. “Do  _ you?” _

Her face falters for a moment in the moonlight. “No.”

“Then why did you ask?” Sam says, reaching back for her arm. She lets him. She doesn’t respond. In the morning, he’ll look like a corpse. He always does, every morning. It’s a weird side effect from the blood, like it takes all the life out of him for a while before rebooting him. His skin gets all grey, his eyes get all red, and he moves in slow and sluggish ways until he bounces back around noon. 

But right now, as the moon makes their shitty motel room bright with the iridescent midnight glow, he looks pretty perfect to her. His hair was a bit greasy and his face was flushed red with the formidable power rushing into him, but he was perfect. 

When he stops, she sits down next to him with an air of grace, trying hard to get him to look at her like anything else but a drug. 

She reaches over and tucks a stray strand of hair behind his ear because she can’t help it. He melts into her palm because he can’t help it, either. With slow eyes, he looks at her, and she wants to see something other than craving in them, but she doesn’t. 

“What?” he whispers, his voice retaining a bit of childlike innocence, like he was wishing he wasn’t where he was anymore. 

“Could you love me?” The words fall out her mouth before she can stop them. 

Their faces are so close she can smell her blood on his breath. He kisses her instead of answering her question. She kisses back instead of asking again. Maybe she doesn’t want to know that answer. 

He drains a demon like it’s literally nothing, but his blood feels hot and stable and strong, so he doesn’t even bat an eye. 

In the barn, Ruby twirls around in delight, like she’s dizzy with happiness. 

“That was fun,” she grins. “I like doing stuff with you.”

Sam grins back at her, though somewhere deep in him, it feels all wrong to smile at a time like this. 

The demon they drained-- who posed as a farmer, who was taking care of the horses when they found him-- hangs loosely against the post they tied him to. Sam tries not to look at it too close, or he’ll be reminded that that was once a real person and that he just ruined their chances of ever being a real person again. He shoves it down as Ruby presses the buttons on the little radio in the barn. She giggles and continues to spin around, this time with a bit more flare. 

“What are you doing?” Sam asks, his head still spinning a little. 

“Listen to music?” she says, as if it should be obvious. 

Sam huffs a laugh. “Right now?” 

“I’m in a good mood,” she shrugs. “You’re all-” she motions vaguely towards Sam with her hands “-and the weather is nice...why not?”

“We’re in a barn, in the middle of nowhere, with a dead body on our hands,” Sam says. 

She groans. “God, you are no fun! Live a little, Sammy. Please.”

“I told you--”

“Not to call you Sammy.  _ Whatever.”  _ Although her words are harsh, her face is a bit sympathetic, and Sam can tell she feels a bit bad for him. They stand about five feet away from each other, while the staticy little radio sings about the starman letting all the children boogie. She takes five steps towards him, that stupid little smirk on her lips, then wraps her pale  _ (perfect)  _ arms around his waist. His breath holts, but he slowly relaxes as she starts to make them sway. 

“Why are you doing this?” he asks honestly. 

She holds his hand and shakes him back and forth. “Why aren’t you stopping me?” 

She’s right, he doesn’t stop her. 

The lightbulb from above creates a ring of light around them, like a halo. She might be a demon, but she looked angelic to him right at that moment. 

“Ruby...” he begins. 

She looks up sharply. He lets her dance with him but forgets to say anything else. 

“Have you ever loved anyone?” She asks one night, as they eat french fries out of greasy bags and watch a cop show that was essentially the same episode over and over again. However, they were two seasons down, and she wasn’t about to stop. 

“I loved plenty of people,” he responds, his voice catching a bit. 

“I meant, like, have you ever  _ loved  _ anyone,” she explains. She doesn’t look at his face. She knows there’s a red glow from her own blood still on his lips, but she doesn’t want to look at it right now. She just stares at the FBI agents breaking down a door on the screen. 

“Yeah,” he says slowly. “My girlfriend in college. I was gonna marry her.” 

“Yeah, Jessica. I know,” she responds, surprised by the bits of jealousy in her tone. “The demons always talked about her. They said--”

“I don’t want to know what the demons had to say about her.” His voice is icy. She pulls back. She stuffs french fries in her mouth and bites her tongue. 

(When they finally raise Lucifer, together, maybe he’d want to marry her too.)

The thought scares her and she tries to forget she thought it at all. 

“There was Madison…” he continues. “She was a werewolf. I killed her.” His voice sounds sad again. She tries not to care. “Or Sarah Blake. I don’t really know what happened to her, though.” 

“That's it?” 

He shakes his head. “No. Well, I don’t know. Sometimes I can’t tell who I love or who I’d be sad to lose.” 

“Would you be sad to lose me?” she asks quietly. 

He doesn’t answer for a long time. “Yeah.”

“Because of the...?” She hates what the answer is going to be. 

“...Yeah.”

When he figures it all out, he’ll be happy. He’ll be powerful. Maybe he’ll actually want her to stick around.

They return to their fries and their cop show and Ruby doesn’t bring it up again. 

He’s high. Very high. It feels nice and big and bad and small all at once. She steadies him, holding his head against her chest and pressing her cheek to the top of his head. 

“Sam,” she whispers in the darkness. “Was it too much?”

“No,” he says, just as quiet. “No...it’s...it’s perfect.”

“Can you feel it? That kind of power?” She strokes his hair with a cold hand. “You’ll kill her. You’ll kill Lilith, get your revenge. Can’t you feel it?” 

“Yes,” he lies. 

He likes it in her arms. It’s like when Jess would play with his hair...but she’s not Jess. She’s Ruby. He doesn’t love Ruby like he loved Jess. 

At least, that’s what he tells himself. 

“Can I ask again?” He knows exactly what question she wants to ask. 

“You can,” he says, “but I’m not sure my answer is gonna change.” 

She stays silent. He can’t remember where they are, exactly. They're on the ground somewhere, but the blood’s making him all wonky. He wants Dean so bad it hurts. He suddenly feels like a child, and children want their parents. Or at least, the person who raised them. 

“Stop thinking about him,” she says, because she always knows what he’s thinking about. 

“Can’t.” His voice breaks. 

He doesn’t love her. He couldn’t if he wanted to. 


End file.
